Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
