i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
PANTIES FOUND
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
