if you like me you must not know who I am
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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