Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
