I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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