I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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