You smell like a Billy Joel song
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
