Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
