if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
