Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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