Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
