so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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