I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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