70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
