i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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