hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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