I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
