You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
