Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
