I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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