Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
