the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
