You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
