Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
