he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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