anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
