I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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