Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize