Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
