He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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