So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
