Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
