why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
