after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
