YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
