Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
