i would punch a child for taco bell
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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