She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
