I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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