Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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