morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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