just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
