no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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