Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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