So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
