cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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