drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
