Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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