Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
