great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
